Lifeguards swim: I’m sinking
Your blue skies have clouded my thinking
Arcane jokes knot my mind like rope
Skylarks worry my bones to smoke
Who assigned the symptoms?
Who defines disorder?
Who drew lines in illegitimate sand?
Power lies with amateurs
Your gang’s gung-ho with parameters
And protocols I don’t understand
See: your reason to be nullifies me
Your complex simplifies me
Your code encrypts my natural ways
Your reign has derailed my parade
Now I’m a rolling burnout haunting
Life’s fog-bound conurbations
On the outskirts of your neglect
I lie to survive it
Wear a mask while imbibing
The dregs of your etiquette
Ratified by sham emotion
Atomised by your ABCs
I’m a late descendant of the feeble-minded
And Trevelyan’s idiocy
Here comes the tide again, telling me time is water. Obedient and keen to do that old moon’s dirty work. I knew it would be back. I knew I would be also. I always condemn what I can’t understand. This reverence for gravity when it’s got so much to answer for offends me when it makes my bones so heavy I can’t fly. Instead my feet are pinned to harbour stones beneath me that are slick with scales and seaweed – they’ll outlast you and me.
So I stand here every day like a sentinel on duty surveying the horizon for the last ship launched in hope. But something about this telescope tells me it’s not fit for purpose because everything I find good in life seems so far away. I tip my battered hat and bow to all the great explorers who’ve exhausted every single map that’s ever been unfurled. If this spinning silver compass could determine my direction then maybe one day I might find a new magnetic north.
How far have I roamed to find the face of morning sunshine, only to be pelted with fish heads dropped by gulls? It’s like realising that your fire escape’s on fire, while seeing all around you so much water you can’t use. But I’ll be back tomorrow at the whim of this condition, yielding to the ebb before abiding by the flow. The waves will come to taunt me with their will and sense of purpose while other empty vessels sink in oceans of their own.
I ripped up my portfolio in a fit of self-disgust
I did it, I had to, its pages made me sick
It was a reckless, desperate deed
There were blood stains on the spine
And though I fainted when the stitching split, at last I was unbound
My skin was left in ribbons with paper cuts from the past
I found staples slowly rusting in my heart and in my lungs
When I discovered the dust of that life beneath my nails I made a firm commitment to clip them keen and short
Disconcerted friends pledged to send me tape and glue, an alibi to hide behind, or some good, heart-warming food
But the old me was mere confetti now and I fed fistfuls to the wind
I watched it fly then went inside
Set to begin again
We are renovating the house when she asks me if I can hear what she’s saying
I lay down my tools and explain the theory of acoustics to her
She wonders if I appreciate the importance of strong foundations
I go on about concrete footings and load-bearing, my replies evaporating in the large, dusty space between us
There is so much building work to be done, and so much dead air to fill, but we are mere apprentices
So we carry on, admiring each other’s workmanship in silence